M.A.D

M.A.D: Make a Decision

Here there and here again

I’m here yet

My mind sometimes wonders there & there & there & there

“Come back here” she whispers

& I return

Thankfully….because…. here is peaceful.

Here I’m able to connect the dots.

There I’m scattered, there I’m swimming in guilt.

There I’m a victim, overwhelmed and see all that is wrong.

Here I am victorious

I am moving from a place of love and a place of power

Here I know my worth

Here everything always works out for me

Here I can be mad as hell but in a healthy way

Here mad leads me to make a decision

Muitas possibilidades (Many possibilities)

Being open without entertaining preconceived* endings

In capoeira and everything

Open and vulnerable…. Here, there, present!

When you’re open, you seeeeeee

How things are already happening.

Already working together.

Open to see!

Osa meji Idinsa

-Yemonja (I heard the ocean say)

**preconceive — to form (an opinion) prior to actual knowledge or experience

Benefits of Reverence

There are many benefits to living the principle of Ancestor Reverence. Not to be confused with worship, reverence is not connected to any religion! In other words one is able (and encouraged) to venerate their Ancestors even if their religious beliefs are Christianity, Buddism, Islam etc.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

Reverence- “To offer honor or respect to (someone) as a divine power”

Divine- “Relating to, or proceeding directly from God. Supremely good (superb)”

After my brother, nephew and best friend made their transition I was so grateful that I was already in the habit of honoring my Ancestors. For me it gave me a safety blanket in having to navigate such profound “loss” in my life. The benefits of Ancestor Reverence have been plenty, here I will just name three. I’ve listed these in the order that ring true for me and would encouraged that you examine the benefits that acknowledging your Ancestors has brought to you.

With reverence it required me to be present, to know that messages from my loved ones would come in various ways and usually in the smallest way. Most of us have heard of “angel numbers” (when we see a number repeating itself an angel is around) for me those numbers have a double message because my brother was a master in Numerology. Needless to say I smile when I see 11:11 or 3:33 or my total at the register is 4.44 or 4.15 (his birthday). A friend who recently lost her father said that when she sees a red bird she knows that it’s her father reminding her of their love. 

Venerating loved ones helps to heal relationships. Often times people pass away without having much needed conversations with their loved ones, often times many questions are left unanswered. As souls in a human experience we often are only able to see things from our view. However our Ancestors help us to have a better understanding through an aerial view. More times than not there are no justifications for some of the hurt that humans cause other humans yet for the person hurt, understanding can offer relief. I know this first hand!

Surrender is vital. “All things work together for the good of those who love the lord” Romans 8:28 I heard my nephew remind me of this moments before my sister called to say that he had died. In the odu Ikafun we are reminded that “What will happen will happen”. I am truly grateful to my Ancestors for teaching me about navigating life & one of the key components is to surrender. After all nothing is happening at random, surrender to “the Force”.

Ase’

Funerals are for “the Living”

It’s an old saying that I recently heard (again like for the first time) from a sweet coworker. “Funerals are for the living”. She was saying this to me at the right time, as my Aunt passed away a week ago & my son made it clear that he “didn’t want to go to the funeral, it would hurt too bad”. About two weeks later I went to my stepmother’s funeral and for several reasons I could clearly see how “funerals are for the living”.

It allows the living to reflect on their life with the person who has died.

It allows the living to see family and loved ones that they haven’t seen in years.

It allows the living to sit with our own mortality…one day we all have to sit in “that box at the front of the church”.

It allows the living to celebrate with lots of love, in a way send off the person who has died.

Funerals are certainly for the living, the dead is unconcerned, even if they may be in attendance.

The funeral is for the living so much so that sometimes the funeral itself does not reflect the person who actually did the dying.

The funerals are for the living, one of it’s very reasons for existence as a rite (ritual) is to help the grieving process….. of the living.

The physical goodbye, the release, the ending and just the beginning…funerals are for the living!

Children Books (about Death & Grieving)

Ever Growing List of:

Children Books (about Death & Grieving):

*From talking about dying in nature, the grieving process and the exploration of feelings*

‘Children Also Grieve: Talking about Death and Healing’ by Linda Goldman nf*

‘The Fall of Freddie the Leaf’ by Leo Buscaglia nf*

‘Saturdays are For Stella’ words by Candy Wellins artwork by Charlie Eve Ryan pb*

‘Lifetimes: the Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children’ words by Bryan Mellonie artwork by Robert Ingpen nf*

‘A Last Goodbye’ words by Elin Kelsey artwork by Soyeon Kim nf*

‘Death Is Stupid’ by Anastasia Higginbotham pb*

‘What Is Goodbye?’ words by Nikki Grimes artwork by Raul Colon nf*

‘My Many Colored Days’ by Dr. Seuss pb*

‘In My Heart: A Book about Feelings’ words by Jo Witek artwork by Christine Roussey pb*

** nf- nonfiction (a true story)

    Pb- picture book (a created story -Sometimes based on true events)

Know of a book that Should be on the list? Suggest! We’re Community Here ❤

Contagious Joy

Joy is Contagious! Since I was a child, I have always been FULL of energy and full of joy…. What I love about my joy is that it bubbles up inside of me and I absolutely can not contain it. When that happens, I want to share it with any and everyone. Ironically up until very recently, I saw this joy as a liability, never mind that joy and liability should probably never be in the same sentence. However there it was, and I had to sit with it. It took me 30 years to see the truth about this beautiful gift, the truth is my joy my energy is a massive asset (for myself and anyone I encounter). Why did I agree to this false reality? Maybe the folks around me were not joyful, maybe joy was looked at as vulnerable, and
vulnerable was looked at as open and/or weak.
None the less! Grateful to be accepting “I am that I am” in a completely new way. Grateful that this joy I have, the world did not give it, so the world was unable to take it away!! Grateful that I now know that because the world did not give it, it is my absolute responsibility to share it. What we focus on expands, so let us focus on Joy!!

What are some of the false realities that you have agreed to? Are they outside of your authentic self, to please others?

Play a great song and dance so you can FEEL your joy from the inside out! My dance song of the month (well until my birthday 325) is “Dance Tonight” by Lucy Pearl. Over and out with love….. & JOY!

Why Worry? No, seriously! Why?!

A few days ago, I was eating lunch near a window to enjoy the sun because it was too cold to actually sit outside. Shortly after sitting I noticed a bird that was clearly looking for something to eat, seconds later I notice another bird, then another. While I observed in those moments, a passage that I’d heard many times before as a little girl came to me. Though I couldn’t remember the passage word for word but I knew the jest of it had something to do with why worry about anything, birds don’t worry, they just find what they need and are on their way”. Close enough!! 😉

The passage I was thinking about was a scripture from the Christian Bible & my mother would be so proud of me….

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear… ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?……³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

If the birds don’t worry, because God takes care of them, why would I worry when I KNOW God takes care of me?! Such a fair question & it makes no sense that I worry anyhow (complete insanity) aaaannnndddd clearly an option that I’m choosing. Whatever happens, worrying does not stop or even delay it! To the contrary worrying just makes the process last Much longer and more times than not (as we All know) it never looks as terrible as it looked in our mind, as we spent Hours, days and months lost in the abyss of worry.

This is a conversation I am having with myself but decided to type it out so now having it with you 😉 Time after time after time things work themselves out even Better than what I expected. So I have to ask myself Why Worry? No, seriously! WHY?!

Worry can drive you crazy, is bad for your health and serves no purpose. Two of my favorite quotes contradict the very validity of worrying.

One “And we know that All things work together for good….” (Romans 8:28)

Two “Everything that has happen, had to happen and could not have happen Any other way” (Morpheus The Matrix Reloaded)

Worry is an option…. Choose not to…. Fafimihan

Saying YES to Expectations….

I do understand the logic of “don’t have expectations” to avoid entering any situation with pre conceived outcomes in mind. However in some aspects of life, expectations are just fine and probably best, because expectations are usually met! People with life experience always say “be very specific when you ask”. So though I’m not technically supposed to have expectations I’m walking around here expecting the Absolute Best of the Best of the Best of Everything from each and Every direction!! 😉

My seven year daughter has just recently (once again) taught me about Faith and expectations. For the last three years she has said over and over that she was “going to Brazil on her birthday”. As her mother, and the one fitting the bill for this trip I thought “how am I Ever going to get myself and two children to Brazil”. I went four years ago so I kept thinking about that ticket price times three, however I kept all of this to myself, not once sharing my anxiety with her. In her magical way she went on without a care in the world, repeating several times a year to whoever would listen, whenever she felt it “I’m going to Brazil on my birthday” Here we are THREE DAYS away from leaving to visit friends in Salvador, Bahia Brazil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Though I am swimming in gratitude I think I’m still not able to completely wrap my head around the fact that I will in FACT be able to take myself and my children to Brazil. It reminds me that our only job is to Trust. Not to worry about the details of how and/or why. Whatever needs to take place will take place just as it needs to. It reminds me that your words do not come back to you void and have a power all of their own. Recently I read a quote from the actor Michael Williams “I say word is born because what I speak, I manifest #LawOfAttraction”. Children have such a beautiful way of being present, finding joy and being able to dream without limitations. It is true that they are teaching us as we are teaching them!

Seeing Isn’t Believing… Awareness Is

Life is a series of little deaths, out of which life always returns. –Charles Feidelson Jr.

Life is full of transitions and apparently they say that transitions are deaths in themselves; that after this transition has been made that one moves into an entirely different life. Well let’s see… I just experienced a pretty large transition recently and after it my shell is still the same, with the exception of a pretty attractive hair cut 😉 However on the Inside there is All kind of action, awakening and “life after death” beauty!!

The most interesting thing is that the same things that have been there for Such a long time, I see in an entirely different way! For example my son is very affectionate, I’m just being aware of just how affectionate he is. First thing in the morning he’s reaching out for a hug, when he walks past me in the kitchen, he’s reaching out for a hug, while he’s watching tv he’s reaching out for a hug. How could I have missed such an enormous part of him, an enormous part of our interactions (relationship)? Can’t spend too much time dwelling on that because regret leads to a bottomless pit of sorrow!! I am simply excited (grateful) for the Awareness!!! To be Aware of something makes alllllllllllllllllllllllllll the difference.

The other day during lunch, I was walking to my spot where I plant myself perfectly under two trees and enjoy their shade. I happened to glance down at the very moment that I was about to step on a bee, I quickly apologized and moved my foot. The bee was a little frantic, of course after almost being squished to death, and made a “bee line” to another flower. I point this out because I am so grateful to have this greater sense of awareness, that I would be “present” enough to notice a small bee that I was sharing space with. Seeing is not believing but Awareness is. Seeing is not living but Awareness is!!

When Words Don’t Quite Fit

I’ve tried to write about the experience but I know that words will not do it Any justice. Not to mention I would have a hard time putting it into words….. Rather than speak (write) on the actual experience I’ll simply give a go at putting my feelings about the experience into words…..

Here we go….

I am Immensely Grateful because I am Always just where I need to be (if Only I can remember that), because the door was open for me to walk through, because I was physically able to take the long journey, because the resources were available for me to make the journey, because I was (am) surrounded by people who genuinely take care of me, because I learned (am learning) sooooooooo much, because I am walking the path of my destiny, because at one point I was resisting this path (which somehow makes it even sweeter), because I was reminded of the Power of non-verbal communication, because God does things in a way that only God can get the credit for said thing ;), because it turn out even Better than I expected, because I’m so happy, because I’m so excited, because I’m able to see things clearly (including things that were always there), because it helped me release that old feeling of “little ole me”, because what God has for me is for me, because I no longer feel the need to dim my inner light, because, because, because because becaaaaauuuuuuse I am Immensely Grateful

–Did you notice that I was channeling the Wizard of Oz at the end?!

….that was much easier…. Cause honey; that experience was Out of This world, unbelievable, and weeks later I’m still processing, digesting, and letting it marinate!

“No such thing as a life that’s better than yours” –J. Cole